An open letter to the Christian Democrats of the EU

AYŞE ÖZGÜN for TDN Sunday, September 10, 2006
Before we even had a chance to reel after the recent vote in the Turkish Parliament, suddenly the decision came from the EU Parliament that Turkey had to acknowledge having committed genocide against the Armenians, the Suryanis and the Pontus...
I have a request for the EU Parliamentarians, and I hope that they will consider it seriously.
Both my good friend, the beautiful Turkish pop singer Gülben Ergen (who is four months pregnant with a baby boy), and I cannot eat cheese. Not only are we unable to eat cheese, we cannot bear to so much as sit at a table bearing a dish of cheese, be it as a huge lump, sliced or grated.
When we order our food at a restaurant, we ask the waiter and the chef to wash their hands thoroughly before attending to the preparation of our cheese-free order. Neither Gülben nor I buy cheese at a supermarket for our husbands' consumption. We both swear that by doing so, we also keep rats and mice away from our households.
Now as the EU Parliament is looking for ways to keep Turkey away from their union, why couldn't they ask Turkey to pass legislation whereby each major municipality is obliged to have at least four totally cheese-free restaurants? Furthermore, why shouldn't the EU say that unless this law is passed, Turkey will have no chance of becoming a member?
My dear friend Gülben and I were talking about this very issue the other day at a sea-side restaurant on the Bosporus, when I spotted a crumbly piece of white cheese floating idly on the water.
“Look Gülben. Isn't that a piece of cheese?”
“It certainly is, Ayşe Hanım.”
Before asking the waiter to remove and dispose of the offending item, we began thinking again about our cheese-free idea and who would be the most likely candidate to bring forth this resolution in the EU Parliament.
“How about the Green Party?” asked Gülben.
“No, they wouldn't.”
“Why not?”
“Because they are the ones who come here the most often to consume it as a delicacy. Why would they want to deprive themselves of that pleasure? No they won't do it.”
“Well, who will then?”
“I know, the Christian Democrats will.”
“Why would they want to? Don't they come here and eat cheese too?”
“Yes they do, but we serve it to them in the form of a desert called ‘höşmerim' so they don't know what it really is. Now if they were to learn that höşmerim is nothing but a sort of cheesecake, they'd be so upset they'd prepare the resolution.”
“Ayşe Hanım! You're so smart, it's an amazing plan. Let's send an e-mail to the Christian Democrat EU members."
“Better than that, Gülben, I am going to write about it in my column next Sunday.”